Getting Connected

Getting Connected

By Des Shaw
01/02/14

Making connections today is as easy as the click of a mouse button; you can talk to literally anyone in the world now instantly with the use of the internet and smartphones. For coaches though, the most important connection of all that they make is with their players. Making a connection with players is crucial for creating an environment that will allow them to develop and express themselves naturally. I believe if you make a positive connection, players will respond accordingly and will want to improve and play hard for you.

Far too often in my opinion coaches make the mistake of being too totalitarian in their approach, too stand-offish with players or coach through fear. These kinds of environments have a detrimental effect to players’ development.  I feel that without a positive connection with players you will never get the best out of them. But how do we achieve a positive connection with players???

“When you punish your people for making a mistake or falling short of a goal, you create an environment of extreme caution, even fearfulness. In sports it's similar to playing "not to lose" - a formula that often brings on defeat.” John Wooden (Former College Basketball Coach)

I pondered over this topic a lot and here’s my take on making a positive connection with players.

Be Friendly, Smile!

I know that is common for most coaches/ managers to keep some distance from players because you are there to do a job and not to become best friends but I think it’s very important to develop an emotional and friendly relationship with your players. Smile at them, it makes you more approachable becasue no player wants to go for help from a grumpy looking coach. A lot of players have a habit of internalising there issues, or difficulties with training, tactics etc. Being more approachable will you help build a better bridge for communicating with your players.

Body Language

Your body language can tell a story, Amy Cuddy describes it best, “Our non-verbal’s govern how other people think and feel about us.” Be conscious that your body language matches your mood, players will identify it very quickly because as humans we are hard wired to read body language. So it’s important that you exude positive body language because clenched fists or crossed arms can dissuade a player from approaching you for advice or assitance. 

 “Our non-verbals govern how other people think and feel about us.” Amy Cuddy (American social psychologist)

Get To Know Them, What’s Your Name Again?

Getting to know your players names as quickly as possible is key to making a connection. Using their names will make a more personal connection with them. Players love to be praised, especially when it's individual praise and you can only do this if you know their names. So learn them fast and make that connection early.

Talk on Their Level

This means make eye contact, this shows players that you are fully engaged with them. It’s so important when working with kids to get down to their level in order to talk to them. Getting down on one knee to a child's level will help them learn the important skill of keeping eye contact while conversing. It also shows that you are ready to give your full attention to them. It’s a wonderful way to enter a conversation!

Be Empathetic

Empathy is the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another person. So being able to identify if one of your players is down or having a bad day can have a huge affect on their ability in training. If you don’t act on this it can be detrimental to your relationship with them which will impact their future development. Drive them too hard or being over critical on these days and they may resent you for it. It may damage your relationship with them beyond repair. 

“Look, coaching is about human interaction and trying to know your players. Any coach would tell you that. I'm no different.” Bill Parcells (2 Time Superbowl Winning Coach)

Two Way Street

Opening a two way communication process with your players is hugely important to making that vital connection with them. Make them know that they can talk to you about the game, their progress or whatever. This is imperative to making a great connection with them and speaking from experience they will play harder for you. If you don’t they can develop resentment towards you because they may feel that you do not value their opinion/ thoughts and its logical that they will feel you don't value them. 

Take a look at this video - IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

Find Out Their Interests

Like a good barman (I’m thinking of a particular one I knew years ago) who can talk to any customer and will have something to say about their interests, you have got to try do the same. This is a great skill  to be able spark up a conversation outside of your sport and can build a better relationship with your players. It shows that you care and are taking a vested interest in them as people not just as athletes.

“Seek opportunities to show you care. The smallest gestures often make the biggest difference.” John Wooden (Former College Basketball Coach)

Ask Open Questions

Some players are like clams, it takes a lot of effort to get them to open up if you don’t know how. Ask them open questions. These are questions which cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no", or with a specific piece of information. It provokes thought before answering and encourages the player to share more of their opinions or ideas. Instead of, ‘Are you happy with your performance?’ try ‘What went well for you today out there?’ It’s a great tool and one that every coach should use.

Balancing Act

Praising players is crucial in making that valuable connection with them. Every player loves to hear their name and to get praised for doing well, but you also need to provide them with constructive criticism from time to time. Getting a balance between praise and criticism is important. Too much criticism can be detrimental to your relationship with your player. Try using the ‘Praise Sandwich’ this involves praising the player and providing them some constructive feedback followed by more praise.

High Fives, Back Slapping, Hand Shakes and Fist Bumps

There’s no doubt that physical contact is part and parcel of most field sports and players are accustomed to it, but physical contact between the coach and player can establish a greater bond between them. A path on the back, handshake or fist bump to some players can be worth a 100 spoken ‘Well Dones’ because there is something more intimate and honest being shared by the physical contact being made.

Fun? Your Having A Laugh! Are You Serious?

Yes in a more serious and competitive sports world, where coaches and athletes strive for that optimum performance; fun and laughing have become an almost endangered species. Having a sense of humour as a coach can help you connect better with your players, but best keep this impersonal to start with. Incorporating fun activities into your sessions will always be welcomed by your players such as scoring drills, crossbar challenges or even simple games of tag. This will endear you to your players, will develop a better relationship with them and it will lighten the mood in a far too serious world.

“If you see players who hate practice, their coach isn't doing a very good job.”  Bill Walsh (3 Time Superbowl Winning Coach)

Making a positive connection with your players can make all the difference in how they develop while under your influence. Making these connections requires some hard work and persistence but will prove rewarding in the end and its best to try develop these relationships as early as possible, trust me you won’t regret it. These are just some areas which have helped me in the past and I think will help you too. If anyone has any others to add, just leave a comment. Until next time.

Do everything better!

Des Shaw